Welcome to the modern workplace, where dreams go to get trapped behind a cubicle wall and everyone has a strong opinion about the thermostat. If you’ve spent more than five minutes in an office, you’ve probably met these 7 types of coworkers—and if you haven’t, congratulations, you might be one of them.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
1. The Oversharer
Office Personality Type: Emotional TED Talk on repeat
You asked, “How was your weekend?” and suddenly you know about her third divorce, her cat’s gluten allergy, and her cousin’s suspicious mole.
Survival Tip: Invest in noise-canceling headphones and never make eye contact at the microwave.
2. The Thermostat Warrior
Office Mood: Always cold, aggressively vocal about it
She has a space heater, a scarf, and a look that says, “I will escalate this to HR.”
Survival Tip: Bring layers. And maybe a peace offering of herbal tea.
3. The “Reply All” Renegade
Inbox Impact: Catastrophic
They respond to a company-wide email with “Thanks!” and trigger 47 more “Thanks!” replies.
Survival Tip: Mute the thread. Mute your rage. Mute everything.
4. The Walking Calendar Invite
Office Energy: Productivity guru trapped in a Slack thread
They speak in bullet points and start every sentence with “Just circling back…”
Survival Tip: Pretend to be in another meeting. Always.
5. The Microwave Offender
Workplace Danger Level: Biohazard
Reheated fish. Every. Single. Thursday.
Survival Tip: File a formal complaint. Or burn some popcorn for revenge.
6. The Mysterious Remote Worker
Seen Last: Q2 of last year
You know they exist. You've seen their name in email chains. But no one’s sure if they’re real or an AI experiment gone rogue.
Survival Tip: Don’t ask questions. Just forward emails like a good teammate.
7. The “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere” Enthusiast
Mood at 3 PM: One foot out the door, cocktail already imagined
They RSVP “Yes” to every happy hour and consider Friday dress code “optional.”
Survival Tip: Join them. They’re the only reason you made it through Q1.
Final Thoughts: How to Survive the Workplace (Without Crying in the Bathroom)
The truth is, no matter how weird, chatty, or fishy your coworkers are, every office needs a mix of characters to keep things just chaotic enough to be interesting.
So whether you're dealing with a micromanager or a mystery snacker, remember:
You’re not just working in an office—you’re surviving a sitcom.
And if all else fails? Just start a blog. It’s cheaper than therapy.
Looking for more workplace humor? Join our forum for laughs, venting and semi-useful survival tips from someone who once accidentally replied all to the CEO. (It was “lol ok.” Never forget.)
