Why That One Broken Printer Is Actually Running the Office
Every office has one. A printer that’s technically still there but hasn’t successfully printed anything since the Obama administration. It groans like an old ship, jams if you look at it wrong, and communicates only in cryptic error codes and passive-aggressive beeps.
And yet... it remains.
Why? Because that one broken printer isn’t just a piece of outdated machinery. It’s the heart and soul of the modern workplace. Let’s explore why.
1. It’s a Rite of Passage for New Hires
No onboarding experience is complete until you’ve spent 45 minutes trying to print your benefits enrollment form and ended up with 37 blank pages and a paper jam. It’s how the office tests your resilience. If you survive The Printer Trial, you’re one of us.
2. It Unites Us All (in Mutual Suffering)
Nothing brings coworkers together like shared technical trauma. That printer is a team-building activity disguised as a malfunctioning appliance. You haven't truly bonded with your coworkers until you’ve all stood silently around the machine, watching one brave soul attempt a hard reboot while whispering, “Try unplugging it for 10 seconds.”
3. It’s Passive-Aggressively Assertive
You know who's not afraid to set boundaries? That printer.
"Out of toner."
"Replace drum."
"Paper jam, tray 3."
"YOU SHALL NOT PRINT."
Honestly, we could all learn a little something about saying no and taking mental health breaks from this overworked, underappreciated hunk of plastic.
4. It’s the Only Thing Keeping IT Employed
Let’s be real: without that printer, the IT department might not get any social interaction. It’s single-handedly keeping Steve from IT on a first-name basis with everyone in the building. Every call is the same:
“Hey Steve, it’s me again… yeah, the usual printer. She’s being dramatic again.”
5. It Holds the Office’s Deepest Secrets
Inside its tray lies a time capsule of forgotten resumes, secret Santa wish lists, passive-aggressive signage ("PLEASE CLEAN YOUR DISHES"), and exactly one 50-page report someone accidentally printed twice in 2019. If that printer ever actually printed everything in its memory queue, HR would have to shut down the whole building.
6. Because Somehow, It's Still Cheaper Than Replacing It
"New printer? In this economy?"
Leadership has run the numbers and determined it’s more cost-effective to keep performing dark magic rituals to make this one work than to actually buy a new one. Plus, there’s probably some ancient warranty that expired in 2011 but still makes people nervous to throw it out.
7. It’s an Icon. A Legend. A Hero.
At this point, the printer is more of a spiritual mascot than a functional tool. It’s part of the office culture. Like the weird smell in the break room microwave or the one coworker who always says “Happy Friday!” every Thursday.
You don’t remove a legend. You just work around it.
Final Thoughts
That broken printer may never fulfill its intended purpose again, but it has fulfilled a higher purpose: reminding us that sometimes, the most dysfunctional among us are also the glue holding everything together.
So the next time you curse its blinking light of doom, take a moment to salute it.
It’s not the printer we deserve.
It’s the one we’ve got.
Forever. Probably.
Want some office humor you can try to print on your workplace printer? We’ve got a whole forum dedicated to them! Come check them out!
